Growing In Faith

In this episode, I share what it’s been like to grow closer to God in my everyday life recently. From faith and prayer to doubt, healing, and personal growth, this conversation is about building a real relationship with Him beyond religion or routine. Whether you’re just starting your journey with God or trying to reconnect with your faith, this episode is for you! 

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Transcript

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Welcome back to a new episode of She Glows Video Style. We're trying to get this podcast on YouTube for quite some time. So now that I have all the fun gadgets, we are gonna make it happen. We are recording in our almost office, not quite finished yet, but we're getting there. Okay, so let's start off with some life updates. I'm not gonna get into the nitty-gritty because it is just way too overwhelming. However, one of the biggest things is Juan and I moved into our new apartment. I don't think I've recorded an episode since then. So we moved into our new apartment. There have been so many things that have quote unquote not gone right. Um, and I say quote unquote because like who's to say what's right or wrong, but it's just been like one thing after another where it's a process or it's not working or it's wrong or it's damaged or it's whatever or it's lost. It's just there's just been so many things, and it's been a very big challenge for our relationship in the aspect of having to learn and grow in new areas that we were unfamiliar with, which very grateful for that, but also very overwhelming. Um, and what was supposed to be such an exciting and joyous time just felt very draining and upsetting. Honestly, moving is already overwhelming, and everything that's been happening just added to that overwhelm and completely sucked the enjoyment out of it. So I'm in the process of trying to reframe my mindset around a lot of things. I am the type of person that likes to know the who, what, why, one's awares of everything, and I really just had to let that go if I was gonna have any peace of mind during this process. So that's where we're at right now. Um, reframing our mindset around all of these things. Another thing that is going on is I got a job at a Pilates studio. It's literally right across the street. I walked to work. Um, it's new, I wasn't expecting to go back to work yet, but I knew that if and when I decided to go back to work for somebody else, I wanted it to align with my personal lifestyle, and wellness absolutely aligns with that. So I was like, why not let me see if they're hiring for front desk? It could be great connections, you never know the opportunities that could come from it. And like I said, it aligns with my personal life outside of work. So we're giving that a shot, we're seeing where it takes us, and we're just rolling with the punches with that one. Um, next, Juan and I are going back home to Pennsylvania next month for my mom's wedding. So, just in a few weeks, we will be back home. And then I think the last update is the fact that I broke my toe the other night. I have never broken a bone ever. I've never sprained a bone, bone, I've never gotten stitches, nothing aside from like surgery, but that's like surgery because I donated a kidney or you know, my back was fucked from a car accident. I've never actually like broken something and needed to get surgery or needed stitches or anything like that. So this has been a wild ride. Um, I heard a crack when it happened, immediately hit the floor, and thought I was gonna throw up, which is so wild to me because I have a very high pain tolerance. So that's what we're rocking with. Um, it's just been it's one of those seasons where you're like, okay, I asked and prayed for so many things, and God's testing how bad I really want those things, you know, and not just things like materialistically, but how I want to shift and move as a person, you know. Um who I want to be and what I want to have. I'm being tested in all those areas, and and in my relationship, you know, because I prayed for this relationship, and I am so grateful for this relationship. It is so healthy, it is so honest, it is so whole, it is so pure, and that does not mean it's easy, it does not mean it's easy, it does not mean there's not gonna be challenges, and this whole moving adventure was one of them with everything that came up. Granted, there's nothing wrong between me and my partner, it was just these outside things on how we had to work together through the chaos and through the overwhelm and through the stress. So prayers are being answered, and I just wanted to put that out there because I think a lot of the times we're like, oh my prayers were answered, oh my prayers were answered. This big beautiful prayer was answered. It doesn't always look big and beautiful though, as it's being answered, and this kind of relates to today's topic, so I don't want to get too much into that, but that's where we're at with the life updates. Let's jump into today's episode and today's topic. Today we are talking about our relationship with God and the purpose that He has for us. If you follow my journey on social media, on Instagram, on TikTok, you know that I have been working on deepening my connection with God. If you follow me for years, you know that I've always been very spiritual, had a connection with my higher power, always called it a higher power. And over the last year or so, I've really had a calling to deepen my connection to God and learn more about God and walk with God. So that's exactly what I've been doing. I started going to church, I started reading the Bible, I started doing Bible studies, I started praying a little differently, I started taking intentional time to have practices to connect with God daily. And throughout this whole process, I have felt like the connection is not happening, like I just don't feel deeply connected, and it's so crazy, it's just so crazy how things work because this podcast might be a little bit all over the place today, but there's just so many things that's come up recently that I feel like all ties hand in hand with each other, and I'm gonna go over them all. So I used to feel fully connected to my higher power, and I would get signs all the time, and I would be able to hear my higher power like loud and clear all the time, but as life happened and I started getting more distant from myself, and I was starting to do things that were not best for myself, and a little bit more self-sabotagey, I could feel myself distancing from my higher power as well. And now that I'm learning more about God, and it's like my self-sabotaging ways and habits are not an act of God, they are not me being obedient to God, and that is why, like, not only do they disconnect me from myself, they disconnect me from source, and that's exactly what was happening. And so, sure, I didn't feel a connection, a deep connection with God because I wasn't doing the things to deeply connect to myself and to take care of myself, and for me, they're one and the same. That's why I say that anything that I say, and if I say we, I say this, that means for me. Um, so that's what's been going on for the last couple of years. You know, it's been a wild journey, and I know a lot of you have been here for all of it, so I'm not gonna get into everything, but a lot of grief, uh, a lot of getting away from myself, a lot of getting away from my daily practices that best serve me. And now that I am finally coming out of the trenches, I want to say, and wanting to deepen that relationship in a different way with God and learn more about Him. Some are the same practices that I've really enjoyed, and I was just thinking to myself the other day how like I just don't understand how I don't really feel connected to God and I'm doing all of these things, and then one day I got a sign after praying for a sign, and then another day I noticed that something that I prayed for it was answered, and then another day I was like, wait, that was weird that that happened. Oh that is what I prayed for, but that's not what I thought it would look like, but that was an answer to prayer, and all these little things kept popping up. I was taking a walk the other day and I was thinking about something, and immediately that thought got interrupted with something from God, and I was like, oh, I heard him loud and clear. Then I thought to myself, when was the last time that I heard God loud and clear? When was the last time that I saw a sign when I asked for a sign? When was the last time that I thought, wow, my prayers were answered? Not for a long time, and then I was like, oh, okay, the connection is connecting, and what I want to say about this is nine times out of ten, it doesn't look or feel the way we think it is going to, and that's okay because we don't really know shit at the end of the day, you know. Um, and once I like realized this connection of all these things happening over this last week or two, uh, all these answered prayers, all these signs, um, all of these conversations I could hear with God, I was like, uh, it was like a little aha moment, and it got me excited, and it got me so happy, and it was like, this is why I kept doing it, this is why I kept going, this is why I decided to stick with these practices because one, I just know in my heart it's the right thing for me to do, and I know how good my relationship with God is, even if I am struggling a little bit, and so I just knew that I had to keep going, and I did, and so that for me was so powerful for me to realize this past week, and that was just confirmation for me to keep going on this journey, keep learning more, keep listening, keep tuning into the practices that best serve not just God, but also myself, even if I don't think that they're working, even if I don't feel like they're working, for me to keep going. I just watched this video recently where this woman was talking about how, in order to be successful in our business, we need to have our plan from the Bible, not from these videos online where people are telling us how to be successful in our businesses. And even though I'm not in that place right now of owning a business, I was intrigued. She had her Bible open. I wanted to hear what she had to say, so I watched it. And I'm not gonna quote any of this because I am not very familiar with a lot of the books in the Bible. I am very new to the Bible. Um, but she was sharing how in one of the stories the fishermen were fishing for fish, and God said to them, Stop fishing for fish, start fishing for people. So they obeyed God, listened to God, and started fishing for people. And in doing so, they started to help these people by teaching them about God. And she was like, That is the point. She was like, Why were these men fishing for fish? They were fishing for fish for money, you know, to for business, for money, and to live. And in turn, God said, No, I need you to fish for people to share them, share to them about me, and that's what's going to be the most prosperous thing. She was like, That's what we need to do in our business. If you are only having your business to make sure that you make money and you're at the top financially and you're just always bringing in so much money, yes, have financial goals, but if it's only strictly about that, that in the end is not going to feel good, it's not going to feel right, and it might even burn to the ground. But if your main focus is to help people with your business, to reach people with your business, to fish for people with your business to help them, that is where the abundance comes. When she said that, it just clicked in my brain. Something clicked in my brain when she said that because, like I said, I wasn't thinking about business when I was listening to it because I don't have a business yet, but it made me realize that when I do have a business, I already know that about myself. Like I love helping people, and from the beginning of time when I was like starting certain little adventures in the business world, that's what I was doing. I was there solely to help people. Yes, that I want to make money, but like deep down, I knew that I wanted to change their life the way that my life had been changed at that time, and I just deserve that everybody can use and also needs that sort of help sometimes, and I just I know deep down that that's my purpose in general, is just helping people, and she was talking about like our purposes, like that God has given us, and recently actually I've been struggling like what is my purpose that God gave me. I don't know because like I'm interested in a few things, but I don't really know what my purpose is. And when I heard that message, I was like, that's it. It doesn't matter the the who, what, why, when, and where like I love what matters is the fact that my purpose is to help people. How that looks will be shed to me at the right time. Um, what that is will be shown to me at the right time. Granted, do I have like multiple ideas and um things that I would like to do for sure, but I know at the end of the day he knows more than I do, and that will all come into play at just the right time. Um, so today I feel like this episode was a little bit all over the place, but I just wanted to share that because that's kind of where I'm at right now. I have felt very overwhelmed. I felt so overwhelmed and stressed in my body that I felt super disconnected and in return was feeling disconnected from God, and I just have felt so lost and scattered and all over the place, and you know, through continued practices, I finally feel like I'm in like not the best space, don't get it twisted, but in a much better space than I was of being able to let go of let go of control, let go of overwhelm, allow myself to relax, allow myself to be present, allow myself to be intentional, allow myself to be connected to myself, listen to myself, listen to my body, listen to God, be connected to God, and it's baby steps. When I tell you it is baby steps, truly it is, and it's all about trust and faith. And I know that that might sound cliche, but it's the honest truth. Um, because without that, you're going to give up and you're gonna stop doing the practices, and then really nothing's going to work. So I've just been in a season of what felt like defeat, and then prayers were answered, and I'm like, oh, all is right in the world, but I know that it's still a struggle. Um, but I wanted to share that because I feel like me and a lot of my girlfriends are very much so in the same boat, and if we're in the same boat, I know there has to be somebody else out there that's in that boat. And one, I want to say, keep going. You have to just put the other foot in front of the first one and keep going, and you have to just keep trusting the process, even if it doesn't feel like anything's working, even if it doesn't look like anything's working, there is so much going on behind the scenes done by God, done by a power greater than you, that will be revealed to you at just the right time. We don't know anything, he knows everything, and I needed to share that message. I'm not one to be really religious on here um or like really talk about my relationship deep like this with God, but this was just like called for me to do. Like it's been on my mind, on my heart, and I heard that message earlier today, and I was like, this is what the episode is going to be about. So thank you for tuning in to today's episode of She Glows. I will catch you guys here next time.